Two pet ecomm stores are losing money because of weak subject lines.
As I was going through my inbox this morning, I quickly noticed two stacked dog supplement emails. Which was sort of odd.
But what I noticed more was that both subject lines kinda sucked. One worse than the other.
Here they are so you can see what I mean.
If the email doesn’t get opened, it doesn’t get clicked, and nothing gets bought.
So why do these suck? Because they give me absolutely zero reason to open.
I’m subscribed, have a dog that I love very much, and am always looking out for her best interest…
And still these do nothing to compel me to open them. Except of course for some research.
Let’s start with the first one:
🐾 Let your dog get dirty…
Right off the bat, I’m seeing them try to use two little tricks that could help bump opens on a good subject line.
But won’t do much for a bad one.
The cute little 🐾 emoji is clever. Supposed to get my attention in a full inbox. And then the ellipses at the end (…) is supposed to get me to keep reading, like an unfinished thought. An open loop if you will.
The problem is everything in between.
So first of all, one thing a subject line should never do is let someone say “okay” or “cool” and keep on moving.
When I see “Let your dog get dirty” I’m saying okay, and then when she does, I’m going to wash her with the shampoo that’s in my bathroom cabinet. And that’s it.
The writer has given me no reason to open up to find out why I should let my dog get dirty.
What they’re banking on is that I’ll see the preview text “Wash up and support healthy skin and coats with non-toxic shampoo.”
First of all, I’m likely not going to read that because the subject line didn’t do anything.
I’ve already moved on, thinking about where I’m gonna let my dog get dirty on our walk.
Second, even if I did read it, that’s still not doing much to get me to open.
Okay, so when my dog gets dirty, I’m going to wash her up with the non toxic shampoo I already have in my cabinet.
We’re back at square one.
Now let me go open the email to see what they should have used. Wait here…
Okay so I can see why the subject line was a bit of a problem.
Uh oh, now we have to do a tear down of the email in order to fix the subject line.
The email doesn’t do the email person any favors for finding a good subject line.
This looks like a catalog trying to identify as an email.
Here’s the most relevant part of the email to the current subject line…
Still not much to work with.
Found one more problem. When I click that link, it takes me to a shampoo category page.
The better way to do this is to take me straight to the page for the exact shampoo in the email.
Your email pre-sold them (sort of lol), so now just get them to the actual page where they can order it.
Now you’re requiring extra steps.
This page does a good job of selling the shampoo with a testimonial right away, and all the benefits laid out.
Take them right to it. Right now, they’re killing people with options. It lowers sales.
Because options create hesitation moments. Hesitation crushes forward movement.
As soon as your reader starts thinking “Hmm, I wonder if this one is better.”
Then they start comparing them. Then they start comparing to other brands. Now they’re gone.
The email itself should be based around the fact that it’s a non-toxic shampoo with no synthetics or thickeners.
They’re trying to sell everything in one email.
Sell the damn shampoo, then UP or SIDE sell them on something else.
Someone who just bought is the easiest person to get to buy again. But you have to get them to buy first.
Focus on Solving ONE Problem
The problem they’re trying to solve is that the shampoo is drying out their dog’s skin, it’s making them flaky and itchy, and it’s got a bunch of shit in it that the owner doesn’t want for their dogs.
They’re looking for alternatives. Sell them your shampoo as the best alternative.
See what happens. This post was supposed to be about 2 bad subject lines, but then you dig further and you can see WHY they had such a bad subject line.
So now, to get a better subject line, we have to write a better email.
Hold on, I’ll jump on it.
Okay 15 minutes later we now have an email that focuses on one product, with a button that leads (or would lead if it were up to me) to one product. Not a category page.
Now the subject line does something.
🐾 Go ahead, let your dog get dirty (here’s why)
I’m using curiosity hard here. Which was their aim in the first place, but I think this slight shift does a lot more work.
“Go ahead” makes them wonder “why the hell couldn’t I let them get dirty before.”
And “(here’s why)” lets them know they’re going to get an answer.
So what did we do in about 15 minutes?
We created an email that’s not a smorgasbord of options.
We’re focusing on ONE option to get the click and the sale.
As a direct response copywriter I know that too many options means people do nothing.
One option, means they do one thing.
I get what the copywriter was trying to do. It’s natural. More options means more chance for a click. But it’s just not the case.
If this were my campaign:
The next day’s email would focus on one other product in that email. Make it its own spotlight.
The deodorizing spray deserves its own feature. I’m assuming it’s a great product.
And props to the copywriter here. The button actually leads right to the product page itself on this one.
Here’s another thing we just did.
We now have fodder for three separate emails. Each one featuring ONE product, and each one creating a chance for the reader to move over to the page.
I talk about the importance of that here.
What about that other subject line I gave you earlier?
That was actually the one that was trying too hard.
The email was actually not bad.
Since I had to rework an entire email, that breakdown will have to wait for another post.
Most of the time the subject line isn’t the problem. The email is. Send me one and I’ll tell you where it’s losing people. Send it here: t
troyboyd.com.